if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
