I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
