Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
