WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
