You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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