me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Did I show you my penis last night?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
