No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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