Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
