Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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