I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
