There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
