You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
