does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
