I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
