She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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