is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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