Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
