You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
