Yo dont text me then not text me
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
