god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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