All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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