Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
