Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
