Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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