Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
