you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
