there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
