i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
