one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
