Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
