My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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