After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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