all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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