wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
