so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
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