We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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