I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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