maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
