There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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