She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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