dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
