you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
