adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
