He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
