The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
