He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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