I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
