Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
