so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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