You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
