Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
