If that was your dad, he is hot
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
