Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
