Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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