I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
