I love black thongs
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
