When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
