if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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