I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize