I want to make a zoo with you.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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