How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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