Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
