we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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