At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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