So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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