I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
