I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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