i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You need a sexual gate keeper
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
