dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
