try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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