I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
