i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
