I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Houston, we have a blender
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
