Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
