i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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