How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
pray to the hookup gods
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
