Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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